Computer refuses to sleep or hibernate following a Windows update

Dear Windows Update:

In the future, please do not change my device settings that prevent the device being able to wake the computer, to being able to wake my computer.  At least, please don't do this without telling me you did.

There's nothing fun about the fresh panic that follows when your computer refuses to sleep or hibernate.

Thank you to the good folks at Vista Forums for the troubleshooting thread Vista Won't Sleep Properly.

Yours truly,